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No Crack Here

Dear Smoke,
I’m crushing on my plumber, and actually clog my drains just so I can call her.  The last time I actually flushed my bra and underwear; I think that she is getting suspicious.  What should I do?

Hey Crushing,
What’s your damage???  This is grody to the max!  You need to stop the bogus pretenses and just ask her out.  If you continue to deceive her and she finds out, it would be harsh and any chance you might of had, will go down the drain with your bra!  BTW a great first date?  I am going to treat you to a Poutine, there is a gift card waiting at the cash for you guys!